A Year Full of Hope is complete, but you can still read the whole year.
The best way to read is by month (go to Blog Archive in the right hand column).
That way you only need to click 12 times!
Start with January 2012!
XOXO
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
The End - My Package
Usually when something ends you want to tie it all together with a nice big bow and make it look pretty. But let's face the facts; life doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the bow doesn't get added for months or even years. Sometimes we never find our bow and realize that many packages are tied together with simple string. For me, it's now time to tie this package of hope and the year 2012 together. Only 22 days late.
While writing this blog, on many days I thought that it was kind of a breeze. No huge storms like before. And yet, I struggled inwardly much more. It wasn't about finding God in our situation, it was about finding God within me. It was about finding hope within me. Something I had clutched to so often in My Year of Faith. Hope is a funny thing. You can hold on to it so tightly and believe in it so much, and yet one little downpour and suddenly your hope is floating away. You question God and you question everything. I think holding on to hope and never letting go is a sign of maturity.
This blog taught me to lean on hope. It taught me that hope is knowing that God is good and that He will deliver in due time. Hope is a way of life, an attitude. Hope is your spirit. Hope is believing that it all has a purpose. Hope keeps us alive.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." - Hebrews 6:19
Somewhere around Day 300 I lost myself. My anchor rose up and my ship tossed about the sea with no direction. I felt empty. After about 37 days more of that, I lost all of the words within me. And I just stopped blogging. I stopped writing. I stopped caring. I think I stopped hoping. The funny thing about that is now I can look back and see all of the good starting to happen at that time. I was just too lost to notice. Mark got a new job, a job that we had been praying for. A job that felt like the final gold crown on My Year of Faith. A job that was the building blocks for changes to come. A job that was straight from God himself. And I was finding myself surrounded by all of these wonderful people. Despite my silence, I would literally say to myself every day how lucky I was to have so many people in my life that God has blessed me with. Old friends, new friends, church friends, friends from blogging, friends from Brody's school, etc. While I felt depleted, I could recognize that God had surrounded me with so much goodness. I am still literally blown away by the people in all corners of my life. I feel like they are my reward for My Year of Faith. Lots of lovely people (yes you) who teach me how to be a better person. And yet even with lovely people around, I was still wordless. Still hopeless that things could some day get better. I reached out to God and begged Him for change. For a chance to get ahead and to not feel so stuck financially. Right around that time I wrote this:
I have had an unsettledness in my heart for a few months now. A feeling like we're not where we should be and maybe where we live isn't the right place for our family.... But no answers have come and the feeling still looms...Maybe if I remind myself how lucky I am every single morning, through the thick and the thin, and on the hard days and the good days, that unsettling feeling will go away. I can just give it all over to God to direct us where He wants us to go and be happy with where He placed us for right now.
And for many nights after this post, I kept praying for God to put us where we should be. To help us build a new foundation in some way. A foundation where we would not be living penny to penny, and paycheck to paycheck. And I meant it. I stopped looking for a place to go and I prayed for His plan.
And then it happened, just a few days before the end of the year. Out of the blue and through a dear friend, an opportunity presented itself. The opportunity would be living in a new city, in a bigger home (our two bedroom rental was getting smaller and smaller by the day), for a great price, and with a chance to become more financially solvent as a family. A chance to lift some financial burdens. I knew that this plan was God's plan because despite everything I was leaving behind, not one part of me said no. And so as a family, we decide to move a little bit away to start a new adventure.
And so that is how this package ties together. Maybe not as perfectly and as neatly as I had imagined. But, it ends with God answering my prayer for a new beginning of His choosing. It ends with my realization of what hope really is:
Hope is knowing that God is working in your life at all times. Hope is moving forward, even when you feel silenced. Hope is trusting God, even when you feel abandoned because He never leaves you. Hope is the awareness that all things take time, and in that time you need to be patient. Hope is the blessings of love and friendship, and the simple promises of life that you can see in others. And hope is using the knowledge that God gives you to navigate your life in all seasons by holding on and answering Him.
So, while this ending seems anti-climatic because I have not written in so many days, it's the end of a year of internal struggles. A year I surrendered it all to Him. A year where I grew despite my battles. A year where I learned to have big faith. And a year where God tied my story together himself, with a beautiful bow, and an adventure ahead of me.
If you would like to continue with my story, you can follow me at my new blog, When God Opens a Door.
xo,
While writing this blog, on many days I thought that it was kind of a breeze. No huge storms like before. And yet, I struggled inwardly much more. It wasn't about finding God in our situation, it was about finding God within me. It was about finding hope within me. Something I had clutched to so often in My Year of Faith. Hope is a funny thing. You can hold on to it so tightly and believe in it so much, and yet one little downpour and suddenly your hope is floating away. You question God and you question everything. I think holding on to hope and never letting go is a sign of maturity.
This blog taught me to lean on hope. It taught me that hope is knowing that God is good and that He will deliver in due time. Hope is a way of life, an attitude. Hope is your spirit. Hope is believing that it all has a purpose. Hope keeps us alive.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." - Hebrews 6:19
Somewhere around Day 300 I lost myself. My anchor rose up and my ship tossed about the sea with no direction. I felt empty. After about 37 days more of that, I lost all of the words within me. And I just stopped blogging. I stopped writing. I stopped caring. I think I stopped hoping. The funny thing about that is now I can look back and see all of the good starting to happen at that time. I was just too lost to notice. Mark got a new job, a job that we had been praying for. A job that felt like the final gold crown on My Year of Faith. A job that was the building blocks for changes to come. A job that was straight from God himself. And I was finding myself surrounded by all of these wonderful people. Despite my silence, I would literally say to myself every day how lucky I was to have so many people in my life that God has blessed me with. Old friends, new friends, church friends, friends from blogging, friends from Brody's school, etc. While I felt depleted, I could recognize that God had surrounded me with so much goodness. I am still literally blown away by the people in all corners of my life. I feel like they are my reward for My Year of Faith. Lots of lovely people (yes you) who teach me how to be a better person. And yet even with lovely people around, I was still wordless. Still hopeless that things could some day get better. I reached out to God and begged Him for change. For a chance to get ahead and to not feel so stuck financially. Right around that time I wrote this:
I have had an unsettledness in my heart for a few months now. A feeling like we're not where we should be and maybe where we live isn't the right place for our family.... But no answers have come and the feeling still looms...Maybe if I remind myself how lucky I am every single morning, through the thick and the thin, and on the hard days and the good days, that unsettling feeling will go away. I can just give it all over to God to direct us where He wants us to go and be happy with where He placed us for right now.
And for many nights after this post, I kept praying for God to put us where we should be. To help us build a new foundation in some way. A foundation where we would not be living penny to penny, and paycheck to paycheck. And I meant it. I stopped looking for a place to go and I prayed for His plan.
And then it happened, just a few days before the end of the year. Out of the blue and through a dear friend, an opportunity presented itself. The opportunity would be living in a new city, in a bigger home (our two bedroom rental was getting smaller and smaller by the day), for a great price, and with a chance to become more financially solvent as a family. A chance to lift some financial burdens. I knew that this plan was God's plan because despite everything I was leaving behind, not one part of me said no. And so as a family, we decide to move a little bit away to start a new adventure.
And so that is how this package ties together. Maybe not as perfectly and as neatly as I had imagined. But, it ends with God answering my prayer for a new beginning of His choosing. It ends with my realization of what hope really is:
Hope is knowing that God is working in your life at all times. Hope is moving forward, even when you feel silenced. Hope is trusting God, even when you feel abandoned because He never leaves you. Hope is the awareness that all things take time, and in that time you need to be patient. Hope is the blessings of love and friendship, and the simple promises of life that you can see in others. And hope is using the knowledge that God gives you to navigate your life in all seasons by holding on and answering Him.
So, while this ending seems anti-climatic because I have not written in so many days, it's the end of a year of internal struggles. A year I surrendered it all to Him. A year where I grew despite my battles. A year where I learned to have big faith. And a year where God tied my story together himself, with a beautiful bow, and an adventure ahead of me.
If you would like to continue with my story, you can follow me at my new blog, When God Opens a Door.
xo,
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