Day 241 - Identity

One of the first things that was said at church this weekend is, "if you don't know who you are, you can't be happy." This whole year has been about finding myself and finding hope. Surprisingly, it's been a crazy journey and my depression kind of brought everything out into the open for me over these last few weeks. A blessing in disguise. This year is making me stronger, opening my eyes up to my life, and has made me evaluate the way people have pinned me down and tried to label me. I am accepting my weaknesses, confronting my fears, and learning to let go. It has not been an easy road and I am still in the muck of it. But God is opening my eyes to see what the journey is all about and why growing in your identity can be painful, heartbreaking, but completely necessary.

God does his deepest work in your life when he deals with your identity — who you are and the way you see yourself. -Rick Warren


 

Day 240 - Heart

I am learning to rely on who I am, not on the woman others choose to see me as.

Your heart reveals the real you - what you truly are, not what others think you are or what circumstances force you to be.  -The Purpose Driven Life

I know my heart is good. I know that I am good. And I am learning to let everything else go. God gave me this heart to serve and that is the heart I am offering to the world. I know that I cannot please everyone. I cannot be who they want me to be, because God created me to be who He wants me to be. And that's what matters most.

 

Day 239 - Germs

There is so much I want to write about, but I have a sick baby to love on. It looks like another week of illness in our home. But you know what? That's my job. To be mom and to take care of all of their hurts. More unexpected interruptions, more tossing the calendar to the side, more trashing plans, and more giving up my needs. When it comes to my children, that's what God created me to do. To be present, to nurture, to love, and to protect. There is nothing else that matters. And that's our job as a family, to step back and love whomever is hurting. I know the other kids will be disappointed of cancelled plans and more days stuck at home, but I want them to understand that we are in this together. We take care of each other. That's what being a family is all about. And most often, life doesn't happen as planned.

And so as I get ready to welcome in a new week, I am trying to thank God for illnesses that disappear. For the germy kids who get them. For a house to be safely sick in. And for love that keeps us going. Yes, I am disappointed that we will probably be in this for the long haul (two more kids who probably will get sick), but that's just life. And before I was vomited on today...I was thinking to myself how beautiful life really is. And you know what? Nothing has changed.


 

Day 238 - Rushing

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. -Psalm 39:6 (NLT)

We do spend a lot of time rushing don't we? I know I do. I'm not sure that any rushing I have ever done has changed my life. I want to stop and take a breath.


 

Day 237 - Interruptions

It never fails, as soon as I set out to do something, something else holds me back. After my first run I got sick. Either the stomach flu or food poisoning hit me this week. But it just proves you can't take life too seriously. You can't have control over everything. You have to let go of crazy expectations. And almost always, life hands out interruptions. How you handle them is what matters the most.

 

Day 234 - 195 miles with God

Today is officially the first day of training for my half marathon in November. I have been running this whole time, but as of today I will be following a structured twelve-week program to prepare myself. On one hand I know it's going to be ridiculously difficult the further alone I go, but on the other hand I am looking forward to achieving each goal and feeling strong. I love the way my focus sets in and I don't look back.

As I prepare to really open myself up to this new journey, I realize what I am looking forward to the most is my time with God. He meets me there... on the pavement. I spend a lot of time asking Him to give me strength and asking Him for guidance. On my runs there is a lot of soul searching and clarity, which refreshes me every day. I just calculated that I will have run 195 miles from today until I finish the race. That's a lot of quality time with God.

This race is not just a test of how far I can run; it's a test of what I can do through Him who gives me strength.

I am ready - bring it on.


 

Day 233 - Finding my rock again

Today I am pinching myself. I have to remember how crazy lucky I am. How much I have in my life. How grateful I should be every day for what God has given me. Sure, life isn't easy...depression, finances, and conflict will get the best of you. But those are all things that can be overcome, moved to the side, and are nothing compared to what people in this world suffer from. Just like Paul said in yesterday's post, "I am not going to go back on that." 

It's time to find my own worth. It's time to do things because I want to better the world, not because I want the glory. It's time to step outside of this box that is all about me, and live a different kind of life. A life of contentment, faith, hope, and love. A life that does not focus on what is happening to me. How can you find joy in that?

I stood on a rock of faith last year that was based on being grateful for what we had, not what we lost. I need to learn to live the rest of my life like that, not just in times of crisis.

A new path is being carved out today. I am finding my rock again.