Day 72 - Empty hands

I think it's really hard to stay content in the moment. To learn to feel joyful exactly where you are; wherever that may be. I feel like my list of things we need is really long and we are continuously adding all of the things we deem as very important or necessary. But as you write that kind of list you start to feel down because you realize all of the things you don't have. Especially if this was never a problem before, which is our case. You feel your joy fading amidst a little bit of depression and frustration. "We are patient, we have faith, we trust You, but we are feeling a little weary God. Is this over yet?" Or perhaps for some of you it's not money or things, it's that you are feeling emotionally, physically, or relationally depleted. And your own list of how to get things to the way they should be is long and frustrating, and you want to ask God if it's over yet too.

But I want to remind you of something I read that stayed with me. That we have to learn to be grateful and happy, whether our hands are empty or full. That kind of gratefulness is the key to joy. That no matter who, what, when, where, or why....we are grateful regardless. And by feeling grateful no matter how long the list is, or how few the relationships are, or how exhausted the body is, or how depleted your emotions are - you are happy, joyful, hopeful, and at peace. That is where contentment comes from. Being grateful for what is not on the list.

It's no secret that I want to add to our family. My motherly heart and internal clock long for a baby right now. I swear if I could get pregnant I would be, despite not having enough room in our little home, or enough money to send him or her off to college someday. It's a fire that I have and I think about it all of the time. But I cannot get pregnant, it's not possible, and we certainly cannot afford to adopt (and let's face it, Mark is not totally sold on the idea of another little one). And at times, I feel like my hands are empty of that desire because it's impossible. But the pull on my heart is still there regardless. And that's exactly what I am trying to say, that we need to be grateful whether our hands are full or empty. A baby is on that maybe-in-the-future-list, but what is not on that list are my three beautiful children and our happy little home together. We all have so many lovely things that are not on the list. So many things to feel grateful for despite all of the longings that we have. And believe me, I am eternally grateful for what is not on my list, because I know how fast things can change.

My longing for a home of my own, financial wealth, or another child are no match to what some of you are experiencing right now. For what you are longing for, for what makes your hands feel empty, for what puts discontentment in your heart and tears in your soul. I know this. I can feel it when I write my blog posts. Just start small. Find one thing you are most grateful for, and build up from there. And if it's too much to bear, talk to God and put your hope in Him.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13 (TNIV)