Day 253 - Alex

It has been 10 years since my friend Alex left this world. He committed suicide when I was 22. If you knew him, you would have pinned him as the last person that would take their life. He was a beautiful and amazing friend.

I spoke with Alex the night before he disappeared and my heart hurts that I didn't know how much pain he was in. Looking back, some sort of mental illness hit him quick and hard. He was overwhelmed. He was depressed. The darkness was too much and he didn't know that there was hope and help. He didn't know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel he was in. We spent days looking for him, hoping that he was okay, but grief had already hit our hearts. So when we got the call that they found him, I was numb.

That moment in my life was overwhelming. It doesn't seem real, and yet it happened and I can't get him back. Ever. Sometimes I see men out that look just as he would if he was still alive, and while it makes me sad, I like to have moments to remember him. To keep his memory alive. I miss him so much and just writing this post brings me to small sobs.

Alex, I will never forget you. The memories don't fade over time... they are all still there. Every year I mark your birthday and your heaven date in my calendar. I will keep you alive with good deeds and new challenges, as if you are here doing them yourself. And someday I know that I will see you in Heaven. I know that Jesus held you and told you that all of the darkness was finally gone and that all of your tears were wiped away. That there was no more pain or sorrow. I can't wait to hug you too and see your smile again.

Sending love up to you today.