Day 299 - Others

I learned something important this week. That sometimes we get so busy with our to-do's that we don't have time for relationships. We are just too overwhelmed. Last Friday I mentioned that it was apparent that God had told me that ignoring other people because of my own problems was not acceptable. So even though my calendar was full, I made sure to say yes to time with others. It seemed overwhelming in theory, but this week ended full of love and value because of that time. I wouldn't trade one second back for anything, and every thing that needed to get done still got done. Do I feel more fulfilled because of things I accomplished? Not really, even though I did a lot of great things this week. Do I feel more fulfilled because of the people I spent time with? Absolutely.

I think the lesson was, don't put things in front of others. There is always time for someone else. That love is far more valuable than accomplishments. And that God created us to be together.

I am so thankful for the relationships that God has blessed my life with.


 

Day 298 - Praise

There are days where all you need to do is sit back and praise God. Today has been one of those days. Today was proof that when you hold onto hope, through the thick and thin, good things will rain down on you in perfect timing.

I am feeling very blessed.

More to come soon.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28 (TNIV)

 

Day 297 - What I read

I was in a funk last weekend. But on Sunday night, when I felt so alone and after I finished my blog post, I sat down with my feelings and decided to put all of the to-do's aside and find comfort in others' words. I poured through my prayer journal, I read notes from books, I looked over the bible verses spread on my desk and I took it all in. Every. Single. Word. I read about life, struggle, pain, love, loss, faith, hope, and moving forward. And I looked at life. I felt life and I allowed myself to mourn my feelings and be real with what I was struggling with. Essentially I picked myself up. I meditated on God's wisdom and His love for me. And you know what, I felt so much better Monday morning. I felt the slate wiped clean. I felt good. God spoke to me there.

Sometimes in the dark all we need is to quiet ourselves and then fill our soul back up with all of the truths, promises, inspiration, and hope that we can find.

 

Day 296 - Choose

I am almost done reading the book Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic. I love this entry.

"I have a choice. You have a choice. We can choose to dwell on disappointments and shortcomings. We can choose to be bitter, angry, or sad. Or when faced with hard times and hurtful people, we can choose to learn from the experience and move forward, taking responsibility for our own happiness."

Lovely, truthful, and important. The only way to grow.

 

Day 295 - Temporary

I'm struggling right now. I feel alone and frustrated. It's hard to explain, but I can feel an inner battle in my heart and I feel like I am fighting it all by myself. I know that we have a lot of stress right now, and I also know how lucky I am in all situations, but I just feel misunderstood. Have you felt that way before? Like no one will validate your feelings or help you fight your battle.

This verse has always touched my heart. I came upon it again today.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This moment in time is temporary. That's all I need to know. The stress, the heartache, the feeling alone... it's just for right now. But what I do with my life, my faith, and my hope is achieving something that will be eternal.

I can get through this.

 

Day 293 - Lesson on love

When things are bad I do two things. First, I eat candy and sweets. I'm not sure why, since I don't eat a lot of candy normally, but it makes me feel better. Second, I withdraw. I feel like I should be home taking care of my business at all times. I say no to things that overwhelm me, or that are not my responsibility. I even withdraw from things that are mine to do.

Over the last few days I have gotten requests to help other people. Initially in my head I said no to all of them. I can't do _____ because I have to take care of things at home. I can't do ______ because it's someone else's problem. But right away God clearly told me that my responses are not acceptable. I am not a child anymore; He has been teaching me that love is the only way to live. And the prayer by my computer enforced that.

Lord, please help me take the focus off myself and see the people around me who need my love everyday.

It's not about me, no matter what I am going through. There is always time for others, and giving my time and my attention is love. And love is life. My problems are just problems, they are temporary and purposeful. But my love is endless and when I am selfish with myself, I am losing a chance to benefit someone else.

I feel like many of the lessons God has introduced to me this year are standing right before me at this very moment. I certainly cannot deny them.

 

Day 292 - Big Faith

Let's face it...life is hard. Mark and I experienced that financially for ten months. We lost every penny we had ever saved and lived on pure faith. Most of you know how that story went. And then a year ago we got a reprieve and we have been able to live on what we need and a little extra. It hasn't been perfect, it wasn't what we wanted, but it was a blessing and we knew it.

I was hoping that over time things would get better and that we would be back down the road we used to reside on. That we would be saving for a house, money would be in the bank, and that slowly we would prosper. But it never picked up for us and every month was the same thing. Still extremely blessed, but just getting by with a little extra. I would remind myself continuously, "I already have more than I deserve."

The day after our vacation we got a call. A call that financially hit us like a hurricane. Not that we didn't have any idea it was coming, but we were hoping time would be our friend. It just wasn't. And now we are in a familiar place. A place of pure faith and hope. A place where I am reminded that life is not ours to dictate. That God gives us trials so that we can survive them. That we need to use those times to grow, change, and learn. That He is in control. That every day brings something different. It's a hard pill to swallow when you beg not to go back. But at the same time this is our life to live and if you know that you will see that the hardest times are the pathways to the most blessings, it makes it easier to keep going. God has a plan. Seasons of life are not punishments, they are pathways. And no matter what, life is a blessing.

A few hours BEFORE we got the dreaded phone call, God spoke to me in my car. We had already been feeling anxious about different areas in our life that have been unstable. I am pretty sure I was thinking about the what-ifs in my head. And God plainly told me, "It's time to have big faith." I imagine "big faith" is more radical than the faith I experienced last year. It's the wiser version, the next step up. And that was it. Big faith. The kind of faith that doesn't stumble, it doesn't question, it doesn't worry. I can't say that I responded that way, because there were tears and a bunch of "why me's." But something is different this time around. When I got a phone call shortly after that car ride, there was a settled assurance in my heart that God is working in our lives and that He will not abandon us. I think that settled assurance is called hope. It's nestled in my heart. I know that He is there.

I don't know why things happen. I don't know why God has chosen this journey for us. But I know that He loves us. I know that everything has a reason. I know that He will see us through. I know that every day is a new start and that anything can happen. I believe in a God who does miracles, but who also does life. I am grateful for what I do have. I have more blessings around me than some people dream of. And I know that God will use this time to move mountains somewhere else. 

And I will live on a lot of HOPE and Big Faith.

 

Day 291 - I'm back

I took a vacation. A real one. Before that I got sick and then better. And then since we have been back I have been buried in life. All of that added together equals 15 days since I have last blogged. That's a long time away for me.

My vacation was perfect. I took a road trip with my family that also included a little luxury. Best of both worlds. I had 8 days to live a slower life and to leave behind all of the "stuff" that crowds my peace. We went fishing, hiking, ice skating, and did all of the things that we should have more time to do on regular days, but somehow don't. I love my life, but vacation is such a great way to be present with your kids and your husband and I drank up every minute of it. I cried on the way home, I didn't want our experience to end. That's a lovely sign of wonderful memories and I feel so blessed for that time. I am so thankful that our trip included so much natural beauty. I was able to show my kids proof that a creator does exist. That only God could make seasons, snow, gorgeous colors, and Mother Nature. His creation of Rocky Mountains, ponds for fishing, and fall colors were meant as signs that He put love in the details when He created earth and all of us on it. 

We also had some scares and obstacles on our road trip, but God proved that He was with us the whole way. He proved it in His timing and in His care. 

I am glad to be back, blogging about hope. There is so much to talk about, so much to catch up on... one day at a time.

Missed you all.

 

Day 276 - Saw this today

A Mother's Prayer

Oh give me patience when wee hands
Tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes.
Keep my lips from hasty replies.
And let not weariness, confusion or noise
Obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys.
So when, in years to come, my house is still,
No bitter memories its rooms may fill.

{Author Unknown}


 

Day 275 - Sidelined

When you decide to follow a dream, try something new, or set out to accomplish a goal you would be a fool to expect that everything will go as planned and be easy. It's impossible. If God is involved He will make sure that you get something out of the experience. You just can't gain wisdom without bumps and potholes in the road. That's just how a life of faith works.

When I set out to train for this half marathon, I knew that it wouldn't be easy. Here I have been running consistently for almost 7 months, and yet that did not prepare me for this next step. Making the commitment and throwing myself into the endeavor is what is preparing me. I have hit a few bumps along the road and now a major pothole. I just passed my half way mark and I literally can't run. Pain associated with a longtime condition in my feet has totally sidelined me. It's hurts just to walk. And so I am at a crossroad. I can yell "unfair" and pout about it. "Why is this showing up now, when it has been totally fine for so long?" I can give up and say, "look I'm hurt and I can't do it. Let's face it, this whole training thing is hard work anyways." Or I can keep on moving forward with trust and faith in the process. 

Living a life of faith includes understanding the hiccups in life. That overcoming the hiccups is what makes you stronger, not just finishing the race.

I am going to the doctor this week and I fully intend on being at the starting line in November, even if I can't run until that day. I am praying that my feet will be just fine, but either way I will take the process as it comes. No complaining, no whining, and no pity parties. This is my journey and I will grab it running or sitting down. Hard work is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I want to put in whatever work God thinks I need the most.

Whatever it is that is sidelining you right now. Don't give up. Whatever it is that is causing frustration, tears, and pain, have faith that it's part of His process.