I was hoping that over time things would get better and that we would be back down the road we used to reside on. That we would be saving for a house, money would be in the bank, and that slowly we would prosper. But it never picked up for us and every month was the same thing. Still extremely blessed, but just getting by with a little extra. I would remind myself continuously, "I already have more than I deserve."
The day after our vacation we got a call. A call that financially hit us like a hurricane. Not that we didn't have any idea it was coming, but we were hoping time would be our friend. It just wasn't. And now we are in a familiar place. A place of pure faith and hope. A place where I am reminded that life is not ours to dictate. That God gives us trials so that we can survive them. That we need to use those times to grow, change, and learn. That He is in control. That every day brings something different. It's a hard pill to swallow when you beg not to go back. But at the same time this is our life to live and if you know that you will see that the hardest times are the pathways to the most blessings, it makes it easier to keep going. God has a plan. Seasons of life are not punishments, they are pathways. And no matter what, life is a blessing.
A few hours BEFORE we got the dreaded phone call, God spoke to me in my car. We had already been feeling anxious about different areas in our life that have been unstable. I am pretty sure I was thinking about the what-ifs in my head. And God plainly told me, "It's time to have big faith." I imagine "big faith" is more radical than the faith I experienced last year. It's the wiser version, the next step up. And that was it. Big faith. The kind of faith that doesn't stumble, it doesn't question, it doesn't worry. I can't say that I responded that way, because there were tears and a bunch of "why me's." But something is different this time around. When I got a phone call shortly after that car ride, there was a settled assurance in my heart that God is working in our lives and that He will not abandon us. I think that settled assurance is called hope. It's nestled in my heart. I know that He is there.
I don't know why things happen. I don't know why God has chosen this journey for us. But I know that He loves us. I know that everything has a reason. I know that He will see us through. I know that every day is a new start and that anything can happen. I believe in a God who does miracles, but who also does life. I am grateful for what I do have. I have more blessings around me than some people dream of. And I know that God will use this time to move mountains somewhere else.
And I will live on a lot of HOPE and Big Faith.
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