Day 93 - Up

I have had a rough few weeks. I feel like I am going from situation to situation with so much turbulence. I'm dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety and today it all came crashing down on me. Lots of tears and frustration. I just wanted to give up on my business, quit blogging, and hide away forever. I wanted to throw away all of the pain and the anxiety that has been eating away at me. If I just quit the things I am passionate about, then I can avoid all of the obstacles in front of me. I would be able to wipe away all of the stress on my shoulders and just live an easier life. But is that the answer? Is it ever the answer to just let go? To run away? To give up?

While I sit here typing, still feeling weight on my shoulders, I know that abandoning what I started will not fix anything. And abandoning my current stresses cannot fix all of the lingering issues that are totally separate. Today, as my heart was crying that I wanted to give up, all I could think of was the word "up." Just two weeks ago a speaker at MOPS spoke about looking up to God. She repeatedly pounded in our heads and our hearts the thought of "looking up" when life gets hard. "Reaching up" to God. That's the only thing that was stuck in my mind. Instead of "giving up" I need to "look up."

Life can be frustrating, especially when you feel like you are being hit over and over again, with no relief. But instead of giving up, I urge you (and I am telling myself) to look up instead. Pray to God to give you strength, to walk next to you in times like these, to take some of your pain away, and to carry it for you. Ask Him to help you get through each obstacle one at a time and to give you moments of clarity and relief. And spend moments thanking Him for all of the blessings you have. I have so many.

I am closing out the day not feeling much better in a sense, but also not feel the doom and gloom that I felt. By realizing I need to "look up" instead of "give up", I know that I will be taking it one day at a time. That He can help me get through this. That He has provided me with the tools that I need to tackle this portion of life. That somehow, just as each time before, I will get through this fog.