Many of you know how the story goes, I was laid off in a horrible economy from an amazing job and in learning to cope with transitioning to becoming a stay-at-home mom I went back to what I loved doing. Designing. My bachelor's degree was in Art/Graphic Design and so I took that and ran with it. I started out designing invitations, announcements, and holiday cards, and then added logos, business cards, magazine ads, life planners/calendars, party planning, and anything else I could try and make beautiful. It gave me an outlet, a purpose, and a way to feel like I was still contributing and working. Not all of us were born to be stay-at-home moms and since I was a little girl I made it clear that I would work. Working was part of my plan for my life and realizing that the corporate ladder was moving away from my reach was devastating. My business eased that pain. It saved me.
My little business meant the world to me and it made me realize that more than just being successful, what I really wanted was to make the world more beautiful. Whether it was by coordinating parties or designing something, I felt like I was putting love and beauty out there and that kept me going. I was grateful to have wonderful friends and clients who allowed me to design pieces of their life and kept giving me work and telling their friends. And for a long time I was busier than I would have imagined. I look back with such pride and joy for that time. I know that God bestowed and blessed that little business so that I could learn to deal with all the changes that He was making. I stayed up past midnight almost every night for four years, and looking in the rearview mirror I see that it distracted me from the solitude I faced when my life was flipped upside down.
Some of you who were with me last year in My Year of Faith will remember that I actually took a break from working last summer. I felt God calling me (actually yelling at me) to let go, and so I stopped for a few months to test the waters. I started working again during the holidays and I have been designing ever since, but it was never the same, and for good reason. The season had ended, God had called me to walk away, but I needed more time to let go. I just was not ready yet... but now I am.
This year of hope has become a year about personal growth. A year about self-discovery and learning to become the woman that God created me to be. It's not easy, let's be honest, it's far easier to hold on to things that you love. But, living a life of faith is not about being comfortable or about taking the easy road. I could have ignored God's words that day in church when he was clearly telling me to let go of my business and I could have kept on plugging forward working until my heart was content, but then what would I miss that lies ahead of me? And what would I gain by being comfortable? Nothing. The time has come for this season to end. God gave me my business as a gift to get me through some of the most difficult times of my life, and now it's time to look back with joy and gratefulness for that amazing distraction and to then turn forward and keep on moving. Because that's what I do... I keep on moving forward with hope and faith for what is next.
I have blind faith by every definition. I am starting to believe that God has not revealed my true purpose for a reason. It's been like this for years. He is teaching me how to be strong and bold in who I am as a woman so that I can handle whatever the future holds. In church today they mentioned that endurance is what we build up with faith over the trials in our life. God has been giving me endurance emotionally, spiritually, and physically in the most silent ways. And so, I am giving up what He has asked me to leave behind. It's funny that suddenly it just didn't fit into my life anymore.
And so, with this blog post, I officially say goodbye to an old friend that held my hand and gave me a purpose. I am so lucky that designing will always be a part of my life because I can still use it for my own selfish reasons and to give back to others when they need it. But my business is done. The bank accounts have been closed, the PO Box address left behind, and the late nights working are in the past.
That season of my life now lies behind me, but I move forward with peace in my heart. God, thank you for giving me something to hold on to, something that saved me in times of chaos and pain. I will wipe away these tears that come with letting go and walk into a new season, a new chapter, and into hope.
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