Day 319 - What He has given us

I may be overwhelmed, but as of today I am waking up and thanking God for everything. The hard, the exhausting, and the craziness. I am thanking Him for what He is doing in our lives. Who cares how long my days are and how much has to be done. I get to do it all. He has given me the opportunity to have children and take care of them. How blessed am I that I wake up in a warm house with food on the table. I also have a car to take my children to the schools of my choice. I have a healthy body to hug them with and a voice of my own to express my feelings. I am quantitatively blessed. Life may seem out of whack right now, but every single moment is a blessing, even if tears are involved. A million people in a million ways would trade their life with mine.

I don't want to forget that.

I have had an unsettledness in my heart for a few months now. A feeling like we're not where we should be and maybe where we live isn't the right place for our family. I have thought of other options, looked into other areas, and wondered where a more fulfilling life could take place. A better balance of what my heart thinks is important for a family to grow. But no answers have come and the feeling still looms. This morning I wonder if what is missing is my ability to be thankful for everything I have. And the ability of my mind to sort through all of the fog of what the ideals are for the type of place we reside in. It's a rat race no matter how hard you try to stay centered. We live in a very wealthy and somewhat fake place. But this is all I have ever known and I love the people here who have become the center of my life. Maybe if I remind myself how lucky I am every single morning, through the thick and the thin, and on the hard days and the good days, that unsettling feeling will go away. I can just give it all over to God to direct us where He wants us to go and be happy with where He placed us for right now. Because that is what I am trying to do.... be happy for exactly what God has given me today.