Day 37 - Opened

Last week I mentioned to my dad that the new series at church has been good, but I haven't been truly inspired. God heard me. Yesterday I scribbled more notes that I ever have before. But it wasn't just what was being said that was captivating me; it was what I was realizing during the words being spoken that held on to my heart. When our pastor was talking about letting God open our eyes, He opened mine. He opened my eyes to see what has been missing these past few months. What I was searching for. What has made me scramble for hope in less than ideal situations. What has made me feel down and confused.

I lost my courage.

God provided the word that I could not access. The word that was pushed somewhere inside of me. Even though I have been desperate to find it, I could not get there until God opened my eyes. It is what was lost in the craziness of life over the past few months. I let situations, unkind words, hopelessness, and frustrations take away my courage. Although to be honest, I probably gave it away in my darkness. But nonetheless, God gave it back to me yesterday.

I feel stronger. I feel more like myself. The woman who does not despair over why she has not gotten to her destination, but keeps moving forward trying new things. Unafraid of what people might think. I feel like she is back. I feel like she knows her worth. I feel like she believes in hope because she knows that anything is possible and she has the courage to act in faith. I just feel stronger again. Ready to take on life and all of its imperfections. Ready to make my life happen.

I am so humbled that God opened my eyes to see what was missing. Courage is what stirs my soul and I am so thankful to feel it again.

"Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions." -Psalm 119:18 (NLT)