Day 59 - Embracing hope

I know that faith and hope go hand in hand, but having faith in hard times and having hope in hard times, while united, are separate too. I feel like last year I learned how to have faith, I lived it every day and in the hardest times. I trust God, I rely on God, I know that somehow everything will work out just the way that it should. And I am okay that His plans are not my plans (or even close). I have blind faith, real faith, true faith, and any other faith there is. My life is wrapped up in it. Last year changed me forever.

This year has been tough emotionally and still very rough financially. We are living on what we have and that is just enough to get by. We have very few little luxuries, like dinners out or buying a non-necessity. We have weeks where we can't go to the grocery store or do anything, just waiting for a check to roll in. I am not complaining because we have so much more than what we had last year, so much. We are rich compared to last year. And I feel blessed every day. I have complete faith that we are still in the middle of this journey that will affect the rest of our lives and that God has us in His hands. And God still sends us money right when we need it the most; His perfect timing is always there for us. I have faith that things will get better for us down the road.

But, that's where my hope lacks sometimes. I need to embrace hope the way that I have faith. I need to do more than trust, I need to have the kind of hope that allows me to live a more joyful and spirit filled life, because I expect great things to happen, I don't just wish for them. I want to have hope that life can be more than amazing. I want to have hope that fills my heart when I write checks or when I can't quite buy something I want. I want hope to be this amazingness inside of me. Faith is my backbone that my whole being rests on, but I want hope to be the spirit inside of me.

I need to breathe it, repeat it, and believe it.

 

* I want to tell my parents how thankful I am for them. They have stepped in to make sure my kids have the things that they need. They help with sports, activities, and special occasions for my babies. They take care of my family the way that they have taken care of me my whole life, generously and with complete and unfailing love. I am so blessed. I love you both.