Day 220 - Secure

I feel like I have given up so much of my identity over the last few years. Sometimes I don't even recognize the woman in front of me and I wonder why all of my accomplishments seem worthless now.  All those years at my job, getting my MBA, being good about saving money. I feel lost when I think about my place in the world.

And then there is this.

It's about our pride. He asks if we'll give up that thing we're so proud of, that thing we believe causes us to matter in the eyes of the world, and give it up to follow Him. He's asking us, "Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind, and let Me define who you are instead?"

When we get our security from Christ, we no longer have to look for it in the world, and that's a pretty good trade.

-from Love Does

I have already given it all to God and now I see that He is in the process of defining who I am on His terms and His time. All I need to do is feel secure in Christ and I will no longer need to wonder what the world thinks of me or worry about my worth.

This reminds me of when I first started running. I used to wear this one particular hat every time I ran. I didn't want anyone to recognize me because I cared what other people thought. I refused to run without it and even ran a race with it on. And then one day I left it at home. It wasn't comfortable and it wasn't helping me. On that day I stopped caring what anyone thought of me. I didn't care if they judged the way I ran, the way I looked, or who I was. I was suddenly secure. And now I think about having that same feeling every day, in all situations, and in my heart. Secure that no matter what it looks like I am doing, becoming, achieving to other people... it just doesn't matter. Only my security in God matters.

And I love that.