Day 207 - Molding

My dad sent me this passage from a book he is reading.


God uses life's pressures to mold us. He has a perfect shape in mind for us, and He knows how to use each circumstance to derive the greatest benefit for us. 


Life is full of so many pressures and they never go away, they just mold into something new. But over the last year or so I have started to see that you can take any circumstance and apply a lesson to your life going forward. In the good, the bad, and the heart wrenching there is always something good that you can take with you. And when you can be honest with yourself and find something to take with you, you can begin to have peace, even in guilt, sadness, or pain.

No one is perfect, but you can be honest enough with yourself to look at a situation and to find a way to help it make you a better person. And when you realize that God knows you are not perfect, but has a shape in mind just for you, you can see that he is molding you into the person He created you to be through all of the hardships. That they all have their own purpose.

Thanks dad for all of the love and guidance you continue to pour on me.



 

Day 206 - In Him

As I was reflecting on my post yesterday and searched for bible verses to go with it, one theme kept coming up. The theme that God will give us hope. That He can give us rest, that He is our refuge. And while we need to do the walking and we need to pick ourselves us, we need to seek Him in times of trouble. When we put our hope, faith, and trust in God, we can keep moving forward.

But those who hope in the Lord 
will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. 
-Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; 
my hope comes from him. 
-Psalm 62:5 (NIV)


 

Day 205 - Get through

When I was running this morning my legs felt like lead. My body wasn't working so I had to use my heart to keep going. Sometimes that is all that we can do.

Whatever it is that you are facing, that thing that makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning or concentrate on your day, let your heart get you through. And if it's your heart that isn't working, let your legs pick you up. Either way... you have to go through it to get to the end of it.

 

Day 204 - Influence

Yesterday was the blessing of my sweet nephew and it was perfect. It was an intimate gathering to not only honor his sweet life, but to remind him (and all of us) of where he has come from, the meaning of his name, and how important people in his life are to shaping him. I needed that time to take my focus away from the distractions all around me and to see just how wonderful our God given life really is. God molded us, He gave us people to help us grown, and He loves us dearly. He gives us each a story that started long before we were here, and will continue generations after we leave.

Even though each one of us is just one person, we have so much influence on the lives of others, present and in the future. I see that as a blessing, a gift, and a responsibility.


 

Day 203 - Trapped words

I have all of these words trapped inside of me. Instead of being able to articulate and get them all out, they are stuck and I feel uninspired to write. But I'm not uninspired, I'm just a mixed up mess of words and emotions. It's been like this ever since I wrote my blog post about closing my business. It's like that post took every part of me to write and now there is nothing left. Or maybe I am still recovering from all of the emotion it took to write it. There was a lot. All I know is that I have a lot to say, a lot to feel, and right now my words are in denial... probably protecting me so that I can take one step at a time. So that I can recover from all of the things that have happened lately. So that I can get centered before I spill my heart in another post.

So until then a beautiful verse...

As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. -Proverbs 27:19 


 

Day 202 - Lost in life

It's been a really weird couple of weeks. There have been some changes, deaths in my life, a new beautiful birth, and some devastation in the news. Sometimes life is a lot to handle. I am still processing everything that has happened and trying to separate my feelings from each other. But one thing is clear- in the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the awful you need to look towards God. Look towards Him for comfort, peace, answers, and with gratitude. Remember that God does bring life, and take it away... but that tragedy that results in death is not by God's hand. God can however bring good from tragedy. He can bring healing.

When we feel lost in life and circumstances, take it to God. Tell Him. Yell it to Him. Thank Him for the beautiful. Bring Him your concerns and your fears. Give it all to Him.

That is where you can find hope and peace.

 

Day 201 - God can't do all of the work

I love a little something that was said at church recently. It was talking about finding our perfect mate, and how contrary to what many believe you should not just sit and wait for God to bring that person into your life. You have to do your own part and trust Him. You can't expect God to do all of the work.

I love that metaphor for anything in your life. For your job, your dreams, your journey, your desires, your responsibilities, and your goals. God cannot do everything; you must go out there and do whatever it is that you are waiting for. And while you are out there pray about it, talk to God, ask for His guidance, and search for the outcome.

Waiting for God to do everything on His own is just letting time pass you by. It's letting fears or failures take over your life. It's laziness. God needs you to help Him work within you. If you draw close to Him, you will know which way to go.


 

Day 200 - To offer

I want everyone to feel what I am feeling in my faith. I want everyone to have the silent reassurance that I have in my heart. I want everyone to have the peace that I have come to know facing difficult situations. And yet, I have to remind myself of two things. First, you have to let others be in their unique place in their faith. Last week in church the speaker talked about being respectful of others and letting them walk right where they are. Second, my journey is not the same as anyone else's. There are burdens, fears, addictions, heartaches, and pains that I cannot begin to understand. I have walked my own long road, but my road cannot compare to those that other people face.

And so I begin to understand that my job is to offer love, grace, hope, compassion, and light for anyone who wants it. I can't say that those are all things that come naturally all of the time... but I am willing to try my best and learn to change.


 

Day 199 - Turned a corner

When I was out with my family last week I saw someone that I knew from earlier years. We chatted for a while and I made a comment about how much I love her job and then she in turn said she loved what I do too. At the time I had already stopped my business and I said to her something like, "I don't really do anything." She replied by saying, "well all of that creative stuff you do online." Now normally there would be no significance to this conversation, but I left in a little bit of awe. In awe of how God can change people. How he could possibly have changed me from this fiercely prideful person who found her complete identity in how much she was doing, to this person who is comfortable saying nothing. And it's not even true because I do so many things. It was almost a "who am I" moment because it was the first time that I naturally let go of my need to prove my worth. Of my need to talk about what I do. Of my need to find my worth in how other people view me. It was almost like it all disappeared and I was totally okay with it.

Here's the thing, I will not be like that every time. I'm sure that if it happens again in another scenario I will want to talk myself up, because I know that I am still a broken human being and I still need a lot of work. But just knowing that there is a part somewhere inside of me that has learned to cope with the changes in my life makes me happy. It makes me feel like I have grown up. I can write about how much I have changed until I turn blue in the face, but seeing it first hand is pretty awesome.

Letting go of even the smallest amount of pride is a big deal for me. And it was obviously important to God because He has been working on that with me for the last four years. It feels good to let go of some of the burden of pride.

 

Day 198 - What you give Him

God takes what you give Him, He cleans it up, and He turns it around. He adds new meaning, new purpose, new significance, and new vitality to your life, and He gives it back to you in a whole new way. -Life's Healing Choices


 

Day 197 - A Season

There is a season for all things in life. Things change and time moves forward. Nothing stays the same. I am upon a new chapter of my life and once again officially letting go of something that I have loved dearly for the last four years. And it has loved me back tenfold. I am letting go of my design business.

Many of you know how the story goes, I was laid off in a horrible economy from an amazing job and in learning to cope with transitioning to becoming a stay-at-home mom I went back to what I loved doing. Designing. My bachelor's degree was in Art/Graphic Design and so I took that and ran with it. I started out designing invitations, announcements, and holiday cards, and then added logos, business cards, magazine ads, life planners/calendars, party planning, and anything else I could try and make beautiful. It gave me an outlet, a purpose, and a way to feel like I was still contributing and working. Not all of us were born to be stay-at-home moms and since I was a little girl I made it clear that I would work. Working was part of my plan for my life and realizing that the corporate ladder was moving away from my reach was devastating. My business eased that pain. It saved me.

My little business meant the world to me and it made me realize that more than just being successful, what I really wanted was to make the world more beautiful. Whether it was by coordinating parties or designing something, I felt like I was putting love and beauty out there and that kept me going. I was grateful to have wonderful friends and clients who allowed me to design pieces of their life and kept giving me work and telling their friends. And for a long time I was busier than I would have imagined. I look back with such pride and joy for that time. I know that God bestowed and blessed that little business so that I could learn to deal with all the changes that He was making. I stayed up past midnight almost every night for four years, and looking in the rearview mirror I see that it distracted me from the solitude I faced when my life was flipped upside down.

Some of you who were with me last year in My Year of Faith will remember that I actually took a break from working last summer. I felt God calling me (actually yelling at me) to let go, and so I stopped for a few months to test the waters. I started working again during the holidays and I have been designing ever since, but it was never the same, and for good reason. The season had ended, God had called me to walk away, but I needed more time to let go. I just was not ready yet... but now I am.

This year of hope has become a year about personal growth. A year about self-discovery and learning to become the woman that God created me to be. It's not easy, let's be honest, it's far easier to hold on to things that you love. But, living a life of faith is not about being comfortable or about taking the easy road. I could have ignored God's words that day in church when he was clearly telling me to let go of my business and I could have kept on plugging forward working until my heart was content, but then what would I miss that lies ahead of me? And what would I gain by being comfortable? Nothing. The time has come for this season to end. God gave me my business as a gift to get me through some of the most difficult times of my life, and now it's time to look back with joy and gratefulness for that amazing distraction and to then turn forward and keep on moving. Because that's what I do... I keep on moving forward with hope and faith for what is next.

I have blind faith by every definition. I am starting to believe that God has not revealed my true purpose for a reason. It's been like this for years. He is teaching me how to be strong and bold in who I am as a woman so that I can handle whatever the future holds. In church today they mentioned that endurance is what we build up with faith over the trials in our life. God has been giving me endurance emotionally, spiritually, and physically in the most silent ways. And so, I am giving up what He has asked me to leave behind. It's funny that suddenly it just didn't fit into my life anymore.

And so, with this blog post, I officially say goodbye to an old friend that held my hand and gave me a purpose. I am so lucky that designing will always be a part of my life because I can still use it for my own selfish reasons and to give back to others when they need it. But my business is done. The bank accounts have been closed, the PO Box address left behind, and the late nights working are in the past.

That season of my life now lies behind me, but I move forward with peace in my heart. God, thank you for giving me something to hold on to, something that saved me in times of chaos and pain. I will wipe away these tears that come with letting go and walk into a new season, a new chapter, and into hope.


 

Day 196 - Leslie's Story

No life is without difficulty, heart break, and periods of time where you wonder "why me?" Sometimes our journeys feel never ending, are full of mountains to climb, and require you to have hope to keep on moving. My friend Leslie's story of infertility and the longing to be a mother was not only long, but also emotional. And yet, God had his own plan and perfect timing for her life. And strangely it included an unexpected, and very famous man of faith. 

____________________________________________________________________

Our Story of Love and Faith by Leslie Bonifay 

Lee and I were married in September of 2004. We choose September 11th, because we wanted to make it a happy day vs. tragic memories of that fateful day in 2001. That’s just our personality. We always try to find the positive in every negative situation, and really do believe that there’s a reason for everything handed to us in life.

Although Lee was 35 when we wed, we still wanted to enjoy some time as a couple before venturing into parenthood. At that time, little did we realize that it was going to take us a lot longer than we anticipated. After enjoying our time as a couple, and traveling to our hearts’ content, we decided it was time to start trying for a family.

Unfortunately, our attempts were never successful, and we just couldn’t understand why. All of our friends were having babies, yet, our prayers were never answered.

We then began the long, arduous process of testing (for the both of us), which continued for a couple of years. After enduring every test under the sun, it was determined that the problems were with me. My doctor discovered that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), along with a septate uterus, meaning my uterus was heart shaped; therefore, if I did ever get pregnant, the baby wouldn’t have room to grow and would either die or be born very prematurely.

At that time, I was given a prescription of Metformin, which is a medication for diabetics (I am not diabetic), but is also commonly prescribed to PCOS patients to help regulate periods. You see, it’s really hard to get pregnant when you never know when or if you’re having a period. That was a major cause of our infertility issues. Furthermore, we had to solve the problem of my septate uterus. That required a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy on the weekend of our fifth wedding anniversary in 2009. 

After a successful surgery, we continued down the path of trying for a family. Although the Metformin was regulating my period, ovulation then became a problem. It wasn’t something that was easily tracked for me. So, one of my close friends gave me her Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, and away I went. I had to consistently test my urine every morning at the same time to measure my ovulation. This process continued, month after month, year after year.

Then, in May of 2011, Lee and I took a trip of a lifetime to Rome, Italy. During our visit, we had many adventures planned, including participating in the papal audience church service in St. Peter’s Square, along with a personal tour of the Vatican and St. Peter’s Basilica.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t come from a strongly religious family, but my husband does. Although I am faithful, I’m not consistent with my religious practice. However, when we were part of the papal audience, both Lee and I were moved to tears. There’s just something about being in the holy city and witnessing the strong religious presence around you. As we waited for service to begin, Lee and I heard an overwhelming sound of cheers and a crowd rushing towards us. Little did we realize that the barricade our seats rested against was the “motorway” for the “papal mobile,” which was moving in our direction…along with the throngs of people just hoping for a glimpse of Pope Benedict XVI. You’ll see from the pictures just how close we were. These pictures are NOT zoomed in. We were literally inches away from the holiest man in the Catholic Church. Despite not being Catholic, we couldn’t help but to absorb every little detail in this holy moment. Here we were a couple from California, just an arm’s length away from the Pope. It was mind blowing! Time for our prayers…

The very next day, we took an intimate tour of the Vatican and St. Peter’s Basilica, which was also very moving. We said a few more prayers and dipped our cross necklaces in the holy water.

Fast forward three months…I scheduled an appt. with my OB-GYN to discuss the next steps on our path to pregnancy. At that time, he wanted to triple my dose of Metformin and Clomid (fertility meds that can produce multiple births), and give things until the end of the year before referring me back to the fertility doctor that performed my surgery in 2009.

When September rolled around, I still hadn’t had a period, but really wasn’t all concerned. You see, I had a whole life full of wondering when my period would start, so this didn’t concern me. I just thought I was “off,” after several weekends of “too much fun” during wedding season and summertime.

Then, on October 1st, I went to the BevMo wine sale. While leaving the store, I thought to myself, “I should probably go to CVS and buy a pregnancy test.” So, here I am, walking into my front door with a case of wine in one hand and a pregnancy test in the other. Pretty funny when you really think about the irony of that picture.

After the longest two minutes of my life, the test came back positive! WOW! We could hardly believe it! So much so, that I proceeded to take an additional three tests to make sure. Then, the following week, my suspicions were confirmed – I was pregnant…with twins. Little did we know that I was already pregnant at my August OB-GYN appointment, but didn’t know it!

Unfortunately, we lost “Baby B” after eight weeks, but still had to remain positive about “Baby A.” As I mentioned earlier, Lee and I always try to see the positive in every situation. In this case, we rationalized that most women don’t even get their first ultrasound until 12-weeks, so if that had happened to me, I would’ve never known that Baby B even existed; however, we agreed that Baby B existed to give Baby A a better chance at living. So for that, we were extremely grateful that Baby B gave his/her life to Baby A. The ultimate, selfless act.

Baby B was later confirmed to be a male, who was due to enter our lives on May 20, 2012, which was almost one year to the day that we toured the Vatican and St. Peter’s Basilica. A simple coincidence? We think not.

Dylan Lee Bonifay was born on May 7, 2012, and our feet still haven’t touched the ground. This sweet son of ours is truly a blessing. The journey the three of us have taken to be united as a family has come full circle. What once was a prayer is now our reality. For that, we are eternally grateful to the Lord and his disciples here on Earth…especially one important man in Italy.

____________________________________________________________________

Leslie's journey to become a mother was not easy or quick. In fact it ended up being over 7 years from the time they were married to when their sweet boy would be born. But God answered their prayers, in His time and His way. What a sweet little miracle.

Day 195 - Sometimes

Sometimes we need a gentle reminder of how beautiful life is.


 

Day 194 - Her words

Whenever I read a faith-based book (or most non fiction books) I highlight the parts that reach me the most. And then when I am finished, sometimes a week or two later, I go back and write down all of the highlighted parts in my prayer journal. It can be tedious but it's amazing and completely worth it. It's the only way to retain the most life-changing parts for years to come. I find that even only a week later I remember I loved the book but I forgot all of the reasons why. Keeping a journal of those words (and the pages they were on) is a way for me to revisit what God, and other people's lives, have taught me. I look over all of my journals from time and time, for when I start to feel depleted or when I need inspiration. God continues to talk to me there.

While finishing transcribing my notes from Dangerous Surrender, I found this particular highlighted prayer that she had written.

If the best way I can serve you is to create a safe haven in our home for my husband so that he can be more effective, I'll do it. If your plan for my life is not to be a public speaker or an author but to raise my beautiful children to love you and serve you so that their lives have a far greater impact than either me or [my husband] - that's what I want. I don't care anymore. If taking up the cross to serve you means being put on the shelf indefinitely or even forever, I'm yours.

How is it possible that someone else has had an identical prayer as mine, and here I am reading about it only months later? Not a prayer that looks similar, but one that is almost exactly my words, including my own dreams of public speaking and being an author. A prayer about surrendering it all to God and having peace over that decision. When I surrendered this book was not in my hands or on my mind, but here it is for me to see. A woman of faith, years before me, praying a prayer of deep surrender. The kind of prayer where you tell God you will leave your own hopes and dreams behind so that your life can be used for His purpose. It's a big deal. And I'm not alone.

And then she wrote more.

I stopped fretting over what would happen to me; any gifts I had were given to me by God, and if he chose to use them in a way that was different from the way I wanted them to be used, that was his decision. I was finally at peace.


I had to trust that while I couldn't see where the steps of faith were leading me, I was walking on a firm structure that wouldn't let me fall.


My life right now, in someone else's words. What reassuring beauty it is.
 

Day 193 - This too

If there is anything that I learned from our last year, it is to trust God with our finances and worry about each day as it arrives. It's such a different way of living but it brings peace in situations that normally cause anxiety and turmoil.

We have hit a little financial setback but I know that it will work out. I know that I need to do my part to tighten our finances, save, and be proactive in budgeting ahead. We have survived so much worse and yet God used it for good. The outcome may not be what you want, but God will provide. I have no fear, in a normally unpleasant and worrisome situation. My faith is strong and my hope is on my heart.

God is with me and this too shall pass.


 

Day 192 - Momentum

I have not run since last Wednesday's race. I took a few days off and now life is catching up. I can tell that I have already gained a little weight back and I don't feel as good as I did before. And yet, I just keep telling myself that a break is good and I don't need to worry about starting up again right away. While I do think I needed to rest my body, I can't help correlate this with my faith. I have been reading and writing, but I have not been actively praying and I have gotten a little lazy in the spiritual department. I have been using my blogging time as all of the spiritual time that I need. It's not. And just like I feel a little pudgy from not running, I feel a little unhealthy from not praying and talking to God more. I know I am connected and I can see all of His callings to me, but I realized that I am not dialoguing back. And that's not right. It takes effort to make things happen, and just like I need to get up and run again, I also need to start praying again. I need to exercise my faith and keep my momentum going.


 

Day 191 - More

A little more from the topic of pleasing others.


Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our hearts. 
-1 Thes. 2:4 (NLT)


Jesus: "You make yourselves look good in other people's eyes but God knows your hearts." 
-Luke 16:15a (TEV)




 

Day 190 - Pleasing

The best part of church today was when Pastor Rick spoke about how we do not need anyone's approval to be happy. If you have not gotten someone's approval after years of trying, you will never get it because that person is unpleaseable. And that it is their problem, not yours. You do not need their approval, so let it go.

I am the One who comforts you! So why are you afraid of mere human, who wither like the grass and disappear? -Isaiah 51:12 (NLT)


Jesus: "Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me." -John 5:41 (NLT)


I have to admit, when I heard that church would be about why trying to please everyone is a trap, I thought that Mark really needed to go. I wanted to hear it too, but for some reason I thought this would be more up his alley. Boy was I wrong. I needed this sermon. It was interesting to know that so much of what I have been working on and letting go of this year was right. That I am on a good path. That I have tried, but that it's time to let go of wanting to please people who hurt me. That spending your life pleasing others just keeps you from growing in faith. And that being authentic, truthful, and courageous is more important that what someone else thinks about your convictions.

You can't please everyone (and you shouldn't want to).


 

Day 189 - If

If through a broken heart 

God can bring His purposes to pass in the world,

then thank Him for breaking your heart.

-Oswald Chambers

 

Day 188 - A Peace

It's late at night and for some reason I was compelled to sign up for a half marathon in November. So I just did. I knew it was the next hurdle for me to face.

It's not that I am good at running, because I'm not. I am slow and I have asthma. But it's hard to explain how it changed my life. Right when people were saying ugly things about me I started following the Couch to 5K Program because I could not afford to do any other exercise program. I will never forget the exact moment when I was listening to a particular song and I realized that this was my chance to take negative energy and turn over a new leaf... and I was going to do it for myself, not as revenge. I refused to let anyone bring me down or define me. And I did. And God has been blessing me and teaching me along the way. I feel like I have faced a lot of life lessons that I should have already learned, but maybe some of us are late bloomers. Lessons about strength, about will, about challenges, about confidence, about being your own decision maker, and about living a better life. And I am still on this road of lessons, just with a clearer head and a lot more determination. It's kind of amazing to see the journey that is not really about running, but more about finding myself. A better me physically and emotionally.

And so I have 18 weeks to train to run a 13.1 mile race. It won't be easy and I have a few things to figure out about my body first, but I can do it. I know this now. That any of us can do pretty much anything if we lean on God and know that He will get us through. If we lock into him spiritually and put the required work in.

All I can think about right now is the one day back in 2008 when I was laid off from my job and our world started turning upside down, because that was the start of this major life journey. A journey about finances, letting go, giving up, meeting God at His meeting place, having faith, handing it all over, changing, and creating a new life filled with more rewards and less material gratification. I would never, in a million years, have guessed that this journey would bring me to a day where I would run a half marathon.

All I can say is that if God is trying to get in your heart and move some things around, no matter how scary and how hard it is going to be, let Him in. We all need to change, to be humbled, to be molded, to let go. I have a peace in a chaotic and imperfect life that is worth every tear and heartache.


 

Day 187 - Happy

I finished the 10K and ran the entire time, which was my only goal. I reminded myself more than once that I can do all things through HIm that gives me strength. It was very calming when my asthma started acting up... I think it was all mental and I just need a reminder to calm down and keep going.

Today is my sweetie's birthday. Happy Birthday to the man who supports everything that I do. I think you are just as crazy as I am. You are an amazing husband and father and my heart knows how lucky I am that we found each other. God hand picked us. Love you today and always.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT)


 

Day 186 - A message (again)

God never stops surprising me. While the little home that we are living in, in my heart, is one of the biggest blessings that we have ever had, it is small and it's not ours. And so my heart does long for having a house of our own again someday. Something a little bigger that I can paint, decorate change, and make my own. And every now and then I ask God, "when will we ever have enough money to buy a home again?" And usually He doesn't answer because I already know the answer. I feel it all of the time. It's just not part of the plan right now. And to be honest, my heart is still in this little house that was a complete gift from God because I don't know how we managed to make rent every month last year. I don't even know how we got here just in time for Mark to lose his job, and why our rent is cheaper than it could be. But of course I do really know. It's God. It's all Him.

And so, when I ran into a friend at the grocery store yesterday who just bought a new and bigger house in a gorgeous part of town, I felt a little envious and sad. But then I wrote yesterday's post knowing that  it's just not part of our plan, I felt better, because it's true and envy does nothing for our life. Well not long after posting that entry I came across these words on the first page of a blog I found when Googling "faith blog":

How the size of your house has nothing to do with the size of your life.


Oh God. I know. You have been teaching me this all year. How the size of our house, our job, our family, our closet, or our possessions has nothing to do with the size of our life. This has been one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned.

Thank you Lord once again... thank you for loving me enough to constantly show me the way whenever I feel lost.


 

P.S. Happy 4th of July! I am running my first real 10K today. Please say a little prayer for me.

Day 185 - Setback

Life isn't easy, and maybe that is a good thing for me. It keeps me thinking, questioning, trying, and believing. God has blessed us financially by allowing us to pay for our needs and some wants, but even when we were about to take a bigger step forward financially, we are now being pulled back. It's almost as if we are only supposed to have just enough right now and that's it. I feel like struggling is still part of the plan. It's obvious that we will not be overly blessed financially anytime soon and for whatever reason we are stuck in a new season of life that requires different tools to survive. And that's okay because I know it has a reason and often I believe that God does not want us to return to our old life too fast or too soon. But I would be lying if I didn't say that it hurts. That I struggle. That I want more. But that's okay too because after all I am human and it's the wanting part that shows our faith. It's how I respond to the wanting that matters. Do I cry over it? Do I throw a fuss? Do I complain? Am I joyful with what I do have? Or do I acknowledge my feelings and then thank God for what He has given me?

Tonight after my babies fell asleep, I realized that our little family waking up every morning is in fact the biggest gift that God could give us. And I should be thankful for that. I should be thankful that I have the means to provide all of the necessities for them and that I can give them a full and happy life with whatever God gives me. And because of all of that, I should have hope that God will continue to provide for us in the future with whatever means are meant for our journey.

And so, with another financial setback, I am going to look forward and feel complete trust and faith that we can get through this and that living this part of our journey will only make us stronger down the road. God loves us and will never leave us.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. - Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

 

Day 184 - Stop

If you are going to live a life of faith and hope, you have to stop stressing about all of the small things (and most of the big things). You cannot have your own plan, agenda, timing, or expectations. You cannot get upset when things don't go your way or when life throws out hurdles and obstacles. You have to learn to roll with the punches as the come and have hope and joy regardless. It's the only way to have hope and grow in faith.




 

Day 183 - Choices

It's important to find joy in your life. To choose to be joyful even when your heart does not want to be. To thank God for what you have even when so much feels missing. We have to remind ourselves that joy, grace, and thankfulness are all choices that we have to overcome even in the hardest times.

I need that reminder often. That I have to choose to feel all of those things. That I need to move past any darkness or gloom around me. That's it's up to me and the choices I make directly affect those around me.