When I was out with my family last week I saw someone that I knew from earlier years. We chatted for a while and I made a comment about how much I love her job and then she in turn said she loved what I do too. At the time I had already stopped my business and I said to her something like, "I don't really do anything." She replied by saying, "well all of that creative stuff you do online." Now normally there would be no significance to this conversation, but I left in a little bit of awe. In awe of how God can change people. How he could possibly have changed me from this fiercely prideful person who found her complete identity in how much she was doing, to this person who is comfortable saying nothing. And it's not even true because I do so many things. It was almost a "who am I" moment because it was the first time that I naturally let go of my need to prove my worth. Of my need to talk about what I do. Of my need to find my worth in how other people view me. It was almost like it all disappeared and I was totally okay with it.
Here's the thing, I will not be like that every time. I'm sure that if it happens again in another scenario I will want to talk myself up, because I know that I am still a broken human being and I still need a lot of work. But just knowing that there is a part somewhere inside of me that has learned to cope with the changes in my life makes me happy. It makes me feel like I have grown up. I can write about how much I have changed until I turn blue in the face, but seeing it first hand is pretty awesome.
Letting go of even the smallest amount of pride is a big deal for me. And it was obviously important to God because He has been working on that with me for the last four years. It feels good to let go of some of the burden of pride.
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