Day 242 - Purpose

I know I am talking a lot about finding who I am right now... but it's not how I act, why I do things, my likes, etc. I know that woman. It's finding myself in God's eyes. Understanding that the vision for my life that I have always had, is not the reality of who God made me to be. I am being confronted with the truth that God may not use me to do big things, at least not the big I have dreamed of. My vision and God's vision is not the same and I need to embrace that. I need to let go of the way I have always identified myself, and keep moving and trusting in God's plans for my life - no matter how big or small. I have felt lost in my purpose for so long... but by having faith, living for today, and trying to be more Christ like, I can feel joy and confidence in who I am.

I imagine people spend their whole lives trying to find their purpose and end up lost and defeated. I see how that happens; they are trying to fill a void that they have put inside themselves. They are trying to amount to something valuable in the eyes of the world. They want to be someone. They are desperate to feel important. That could be me. 

Slowly I am starting to understand that God molded each of us to have a purpose. If I spend my life trying to be the person I think I should be, I am completely blindsiding myself. I am missing all of the reasons God created me. I am running past the things I should be focusing on. What if my entire purpose in life is to be the mother to my three children? If I am blindly reaching for myself, how can I nurture them? Why isn't it enough to have that purpose, then say be a writer, speaker, and known woman of God? It is enough. It's more than enough and I should spend every minute embracing the talents God gave me to be the best mother I can be. And along the way use all of my talents and my heart to serve and love others. To be more Christ like. At the end of my life that purpose would be just as fulfilling, if not more, than any that I would have chosen for myself. 

I am tired of being lost. I am weary from wanting my own desires instead of listening to God's. He created me and I want to be worth my full value in His eyes by seeking out His purposes in my life, not my own. I want His will. Because now I see that a person's worth is not measured by how important they are, how much money they have, how big of a Christian they are, or which far corners of the earth they are changing... a person's worth can be found in how they love others, how they use their God-given talents, how firmly they plant their faith, and how much they trust God's working in their life.