Day 274 - Choose

I have a choice. You have a choice. We can choose to dwell on disappointments and shortcomings. We can choose to be bitter, angry, or sad. Or when faced with hard times and hurtful people, we can choose to learn from the experience and move forward, taking responsibility for our own happiness.
- from Life Without Limits


 

Day 273 - Life without

Life without meaning has no hope. Life without hope has no faith. If you find a way to contribute, you will find your meaning, and hope and faith will naturally follow and accompany you into your future.
- from Life Without Limits

 

Day 272 - He is boss

Here's what I found out about God today. He's in charge. I mean that in the best way possible. He gives us free will and we live our lives, but when we tell God that we are handing things over to Him and surrendering ourselves... He takes the reigns. He listens. He works on His plan for us. And He lets us know who is boss, a loving and powerful Father.

You have heard the expression, "when one door closes another one opens." I'm experiencing "when you close a door yourself, God just might open it again." It takes a little getting use to, but I know that whatever God has in the works will be far more amazing than what I have planned. And so I will follow His lead and laugh at the irony of how life sometimes works.

We are certainly in a very stressful place right now, but God has given us the peace and the faith to see things through. I am just praying for the best, and having hope that good things can happen. He has given us so much good already.

 

Day 271 - Hope forward

Lately I have noticed a lot of people posting about hope. I see it everywhere that I go. It's all around us. It's such a strong and passionate word that has so many levels of emotion. Hope means so much to so many people.

Today all I can think about is how we can give hope to others. It's not something that I can literally gift to someone else, although I have tried. I have tried so hard to sneak hope into people's lives that are hurting, but it's not easy. Hope has to be wanted, accepted, and loved back. So how can we help other people have hope?

By living and breathing it.
By being an example.
By sharing our lives.
By sharing God's word.
By giving love.
By being vulnerable.

We spread hope by being a light for others to see. At least that is what I think. We get out of our comfort zone and share our lives, our stories, and our beliefs with people around us. We become friendlier, we share our hurts and our difficulties, and then we share how hope changes our lives. How we can have hope in all situations. How hope changes who we are. And by doing that, we are also giving love. We are suddenly doing things for people, we are serving them, and we are letting our hope seep into their lives. Our love then gives them hope, even in dark circumstances or despair.

That's what is on my heart this morning. Not just about having hope, but about giving hope to others. I want to pay it forward.

 

Day 270 - Time

My calendar is ridiculous. It also becomes more ridiculous with every passing day, especially when appointments and agendas get moved because all three kids have been sick for days. Yes, true story. It's just life.

Back to my calendar, did I say it's ridiculous? Because it is. But that's not a good thing, it's not a bragging thing, and it's not special. It's commitments and "have to go to's." We have a bunch of those right now. And that's okay and fine because everything works out in its own time. I didn't use to understand that, but I do now. It all works out somehow.

But here is the thing, more on my calendar, less time for other things. Things like reading, praying, reflecting, teaching, and loving. And there is nothing good about that. It's so easy to make excuses about how busy you have been, but there is a book right beside me with God's word in it and I need to make sure that I pick it up and nourish myself. Right now. And so do you. Just pick it up and go, no matter what time it is. Don't let God get stuck in your commitments.

Last Sunday at church my pastor spoke about using our time to do things. Like looking at You Tube videos and other nonsense. I felt like he was talking to me. I don't have a lot of time for nonsense, I rarely watch television, but I find that I get easily distracted with online news and Facebook. I waste time. So this week I have been making an effort that as soon as I realize I am wasting time, I get on track and do something that needs to be done. I have a lot of things that need to be done. I am behind in my life with blogs to be written, bills to be paid, emails to be sent, flyers to be made, and commitments to be kept. I need to take back my time so that I can thrive without feeling overwhelmed and guilty. And you know what, it's working. I am still buried under a pile of things to be done, but I am not adding anything to the top. And if I keep this up, the load will start to dwindle and I will be free.

Time is an amazing thing. We need to give ourselves more of it. God deserves more of it too.

 

Day 269 - Hope that

Today I will be filled with hope.

Hope that that anything is possible.
Hope that something wonderful can happen.
Hope that work well done pays off.
Hope that in trying times, good is produced.
Hope that chances are continually given.
Hope that faith is rewarded.

Today (and every day) I will shout to God that I trust His plan and that my faith is firmly planted. I will give Him my joys and my tears. I will give him my worries and thank Him for my blessings. I will trust Him on this journey, no matter how bumpy. For I know that He is my Savior and He loves every part of me. And even if today turns out to be all wrong, I will not turn back or leave Him. My hope will always look towards another sunrise.

 

Day 268 - Control Freak

God has taught this control freak that when life seems to be falling apart, when everything seems to be teeter-tottering, or when you could be a jump away from many things going wrong, that God is probably working full time in your life.

Mark and I have a lot of unknowns right now. Things could flip one way or another at any give moment and it feels like things are out of control. That's why people like the perceived notion of stability, because you feel safe. While we do pray for more stability in our life, I have found my safety in trusting God. I know that even the most stable life can fall apart at any time. And yet, with all of our unknowns I feel completely secure in God's love and vision for our life. I know that even though bad news could come tomorrow, that we will be okay. God has never abandoned us, never led us astray, and has blessed us in all circumstances. And with that faith, I have a peace and a hope that I never had before. 

I am amazed that this control freak can thrive and trust in uncertainty. But that's what loving God will do for you. It allows you to let go of your need to control and know everything.

 

Day 266 - Down the road

I am constantly reminded that no matter what we do, try to do, want to do, or plead to happen, God has His plan. In all circumstances. It's funny how my vision of life events has changes after My Year of Faith. When I see hope in pieces, devastation, or broken dreams in peoples lives I have faith that He has a plan. I know that it's true. I know that He is continuously working in everyone's lives and that when He says no, or not this time, or not right now, it's because there is a plan that we cannot see it.

I'm not trying to lessen devastation or really awful circumstances. There are things that happen that will never seem to have a happy ending because we don't know why it happened. We will some day though. But in most circumstances when something seemingly bad happens it will all come together down the road. Piece by piece. Blessings are poured down and it all makes sense. And in those stories the outcome is more fulfilling and His glory and grace is written all over it.

I see all of that now. And my heart hurts when people I love are hurting, but most often I just want to whisper to them, "just hold on."


 

Day 262 - Days

Last week my son had a bad day. I'm sure his whole day wasn't bad, but once he got home from school it went down hill. There was frustration, tears, loud words, and definitely a seven-year-old temper tantrum. He lost it, I lost it, his dad lost it, and by bedtime it was just a sloppy mess.

As I was getting my kids ready for bed, I felt like I needed to pray with them. We vary our prayers from dinner to nighttime. That night I felt the need to speak to my son through prayer because I didn't know how else to reach him. He was a crying mess. I prayed for our family, for God to help us with bad days, and for reminders that we get to start all over in the morning. I told him that Jesus loves us no matter what and that everyone has not-so-good days. When I was done, my son said, "Mom, thank you for the prayer and for saying that we all have bad days. I love you." And he wiped his tears away and went to sleep, with his sniffles melting away.

While I hold a firm line between being naughty and good, some days are just simply bad ones. Some situations just need peace. When our tears are too many to see and we can't pull out of our feelings, we all deserve a reminder that we get a do-over and that Jesus loves us no matter what.

Sometimes as adults we need to pray and remind ourselves the same things.


 

Day 261 - Losses

We all suffer losses. Lost jobs, relationships, promises, loved ones, possessions, dreams, etc. etc. etc. I wrote these two notes and this verse on my sermon outlines.

Losses deepen me, but they don't define me. They are part of my maturity, not my identity. Do not let the losses in life define you, let them make you better. 

It's done, so let's get on with life...

We pray that you will be filled with his almighty, glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens - always full of the joy of the Lord. - Colossians 1:11 (LB)


 

Day 260 - Sunday verse

Rise during the night and cry out. Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord. Lift up your hands to him in prayer. -Lamentations 2:19 (NLT)

 

Day 259 - I can

Today I woke up anxious with a full run a head of me. A distance that I have only run twice before. It's not that I didn't think that I could do it, because I knew that I could. I just thought it would be hard. I wasn't sure that I was strong enough to finish without walking, needing my inhaler, or giving up. I have been training so hard, but when thinking about this run, I didn't believe I was a runner.

Last night I watched a documentary about an ultra marathon runner. I listened to his life and saw his achievements (which are more than I could ever imagine). And I was reminded of my own personal belief that l live by. I can do anything. Literally. I might not be able to do it as well, as fast, as far, or as much, but if someone else can do it so can I. This motto helped me in giving birth, getting my MBA, climbing the corporate ladder, taking leaps of faith, making big decisions, working from home, and trying new things. This motto is what got me running in the first place, and that was no easy task. I can do it. I am capable.

My run this morning was amazing. I was a sweaty mess, exhausted, and it was hot... but I rocked it. I didn't need anything to see me through it except for a reminder that if one man can run hundreds of miles, I could run too. And every weekend when I get ready for my long run I am going to remind myself that I can do anything. And I am going to pray for God to give me the strength to rock the new mileage ahead of me. Every week I will go a little further because God made me capable of finishing my journey. I just have to believe it.

We can all do more than we ever imagined for ourselves.

 

Day 258 - What is to come

When I figured out that this year would be about hope, God also whispered what next year should be. I've known it all along, but I can already feel God preparing me for it in small ways. While hope is still dramatically changing my life, I am already excited for what is to come. Just had to share.

 

Day 257 - A pretty amazing reminder

Yesterday's post was about feeling spiritually dry. I'm not even sure why I used the word "dry" but that's the only way I could explain how I felt with the busyness of life. When I went to write today's post I didn't know what to say, my eyes went to my prayer journal and I opened it up to this.

Feed the hungry,
   and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
   and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
The Lord will guide you continually,
   giving you water when you are dry
   and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like an ever-flowing spring.
-Isaiah 58:10-11 (NLT)

I have opened the Bible to random pages before, hoping God would talk to me that way. It doesn't usually work. But today was one of those lucky days when God needs you to know something. And you know what he needed me to know, that just opening my books isn't going to fill me up spiritually. That I need to feed the hungry and help those in trouble. I need to "do" not just read. It's no coincidence that just this morning, after reading an article that bothered me, I said to myself that I need to find what it is that stirs me. An issue, a group of people, a cause that I can stand up for. I want to find whatever that is and get moving. I just haven't figured it out yet.

After I started writing this post I felt compelled to see what came before this verse and so I went back to the beginning of the chapter. You can read it all here. God answered my post about being dry, but he is also speaking to my stirring soul. To the part of me that doesn't know what I should be doing. And He is telling me just to do anything. To free those wrongly imprisoned, listen to others burdens, share our food with the hungry, give shelter to the homeless, give clothes to those who need them, help family members, and stop pointing fingers and spreading rumors. He is telling me (and you) to just do something. Every single day.

So today I will be going to the store and filling up a grocery bag or two for the food bank that fed us when we were down. This week I will be doing all of the things I keep saying I am going to do, but never get to. I feel like God opened my eyes and is telling me that I can't just wait around trying to figure out my passion, there are so many thing I can be doing every day and that is how he gives you water when you are dry and restores your strength.

A pretty amazing reminder.

 

Day 256 - God's paperwork

I am having a hard time juggling life. School is back in session and I suddenly feel like a taxi driver (but the kind that is fun because your passengers have lots to tell you about their day). Some days are especially long with extracurricular activities and volunteer duties. By the time I take a breath it's bedtime for the kids and I spend my quiet hours doing whatever is the most pressing and that time goes by fast. I try to get to bed before midnight so I can get up early to run and then do it all over again.

I love all of the madness but I forget to pray, read, and have time dedicated to God. I have four books sitting by my computer begging me to read them, and yet they just sit. Books filled with God's promises and life stories of people's faith. And when I go to write my blogs, I feel a little dry. If I don't have time for God, how can my faith grow? How can hope seep in? How can I hear God's voice and direction?  How can I give proper thanks for all of the blessings showered on us? You just can't. Just going to church on Sunday is not enough to fill you up for a whole week.

It's easy to be overloaded. I have bills, papers, and to-dos piled on my desk. So many things need my attention, and yet I can't think of anything more important that spending time with God. His paperwork directs you through each and every day.

 

Day 255- Nine Eleven

Today is always a day where my problems seem small, my worries few, and my blessings are countless. Every year on 9/11 I hear more stories of how God uses a horrific situation for good. About what people have done with the mess of their life after what they saw or who they loss. No, I will never ever forget.

And while today is hard in one way, I also celebrate my grandmother. An amazing woman. Happy Birthday Grandma Ester. I love you dearly.

 

Day 254 - Directions

Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to, right? Relationships, jobs, goals, our day, finances, promises, and the list goes on and on. I have been guilty of banging my head over and over trying to make something work that just won't because I am sure that it is what is meant to happen. And in the end I just get hurt, frustrated, or anxious over and over and over. We are human, we want things so badly, but often we turn away from the fact that we cannot make things go our way. Here's the thing... God can. God makes things happen, but in His way and on His time. I have said that a hundred times over this year, but I still need to hear it. I still need reminders that you need to take it to God. Pray about it and have hope and faith that His way is the best way.

I have watched impossible situations become possible, miracles arise, obstacles become blessings, and perfect timing.

We need to trust God's directions for the roadmap of our life. Ask Him to lead the way.


 

Day 253 - Alex

It has been 10 years since my friend Alex left this world. He committed suicide when I was 22. If you knew him, you would have pinned him as the last person that would take their life. He was a beautiful and amazing friend.

I spoke with Alex the night before he disappeared and my heart hurts that I didn't know how much pain he was in. Looking back, some sort of mental illness hit him quick and hard. He was overwhelmed. He was depressed. The darkness was too much and he didn't know that there was hope and help. He didn't know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel he was in. We spent days looking for him, hoping that he was okay, but grief had already hit our hearts. So when we got the call that they found him, I was numb.

That moment in my life was overwhelming. It doesn't seem real, and yet it happened and I can't get him back. Ever. Sometimes I see men out that look just as he would if he was still alive, and while it makes me sad, I like to have moments to remember him. To keep his memory alive. I miss him so much and just writing this post brings me to small sobs.

Alex, I will never forget you. The memories don't fade over time... they are all still there. Every year I mark your birthday and your heaven date in my calendar. I will keep you alive with good deeds and new challenges, as if you are here doing them yourself. And someday I know that I will see you in Heaven. I know that Jesus held you and told you that all of the darkness was finally gone and that all of your tears were wiped away. That there was no more pain or sorrow. I can't wait to hug you too and see your smile again.

Sending love up to you today.


 

Day 252 - Prayers

My sweet dad photocopied me two pages from a book he was reading that had some perfect words of godly advice. Although not the highlighted parts, I fell in love with these two simple prayers.

Lord, thank You for Your grace that is manifested in my life.

Lord, thank You for taking care of all my problems through Your forgiveness and grace. I am handing over my burdens to You- all of them!


 

Day 251 - Put your heart right

Yet if you devote your heart to him
     and stretch out your hands to him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand
     and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then, free of fault, you will lift up your face;
     you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble,
     recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday,
     and darkness will become like morning. 
-Job 11:13-17 (TNIV)

I found that verse on a church outline, with it were these notes:

Put your heart right. Reach out to God. Then face the world again, firm and courageous. This is how you begin the healing process. 

I have some healing to do. I want to regain the courageousness that I know I have. I want to be the woman God created me to be. Somehow I have lost that in guilt and in others' words. I am a fighter, I am strong, and I have so much love to give. I need to give my heart to God so that He can give me the eyes to see exactly who He created. Someone He loves dearly. Someone who stands on her own two feet... not afraid to yell out to the world and to be herself.

Time to pick myself up and journey ahead.
That is the woman I know.

 

Day 250 - Refuge

Wow... I am exhausted. While I am excited that my sweet kids went back to school this week, it's been crazy getting them ready to do so. I am beyond tired, but it has been worth it. I adore this time of year. I love having a schedule again. I love the family time, MOPS is starting soon, fall food, and preparing for the holidays. It's magical for me. It makes me feel like myself again... I feel like the depression is fading more and more each day and that I am seeing myself. This time of year helps bring that back.

But with the start of a new season always comes a lot of reflection. I have now passed 2/3 of my Year Full of Hope. I am thinking about what has happened, where I have gone, and what could be in front of me. I still have a lot of work to do in exploring hope and finding it deep inside of myself. Or perhaps tending to the seed I have already planted. I want my hope to be full and strong. I want to breathe it, live it, and share it with others. But I am finding that to do so, I have had to work much harder on myself. Some on my own, some through books, some from personal situations, and a lot in His word. Some exploration has come from the help of a therapist and that has been fruitful. I am grateful for that help. Things have been topsy turvy for my emotionally, but that's what God had in store for me this year and I want to grasp as much of it as I can. The good, the painful, the excruciating, and the unexpected. Because I know that God can take all things and use it for good... and I know that is what is happening right now. This is my time to grow.


“Every word of God is flawless;
 he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
-Proverbs 30:5 (NIV1984)

God is my shield even in difficult times. I am taking refuge in His love this year.


 

Day 249 - Renew my spirit

Somehow in the mess of life and a lot of hurtful words, I have lost part of my spirit. And yet all I need to do is to ask God to renew it. This is my prayer today.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
-Psalm 51:10 (NIV1984)

 

Day 248 - Fire and water

We went through fire and water. 
But you brought us to a place 
where we have everything we need. 
-Psalm 66:12 (NIRV)


 

Day 247 - Run with endurance

I came across this verse on a t-shirt last night and it makes me feel especially inspired for my half marathon coming up in 10 weeks.

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. -Hebrews 12:1(NLT)

I am not a born runner. I have asthma and little legs that don't go very fast. But somehow God has turned me into this woman who runs. It's not easy and my training has gotten off to a slow start, but I believe that I can do it. That I can finish the race. That I can do anything that I put my mind to. That through hope and faith, God will help get me there.

I'm not alone in my challenges and neither are you.

 

Day 246 - Imperfect

This week I have been reminded, more than once, of how imperfect I am. Of how I can make bad choices. Of how selfish I can be. I mean I obviously know that all of the time, but this week felt like an extra special reminder.

You know what I told myself when the going got tough.... this too shall pass.

I mess up, I do it again, and yet every time I learn something new and take it with me. I leave excuses behind. I strive to be a better person and to love others more than myself. And then I forgive myself for what I did and thank God that He gave me another day to learn from my mistakes. I thank Him for giving me wisdom and strength. I thank Him for loving me enough that He makes good things come from the bad.


But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. -Job 23:10 (TNIV)


 

Day 245 - Is good

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
-Lamentations 3:25-26 (TNIV)