Yesterday while hearing my hubby tell me a story, I realized something. My old life of being a working mom in a successful job is long gone. It's not like it was just yesterday, I now have friends and people in my life that have no idea that part of me ever existed. It's crazy thing to realize. They don't know that woman, and they never will. This is the woman that I am right now, and everything that was important to me before is in the past. I am a stay-at-home mom, who has a little business of her own, and who blogs about faith, life, family, lovely things and more. Everything that I am right now is from God and none of it was part of my plan. God has changed my life, my desires, and my heart in drastic ways. And this is what He had planned. It still shocks me, but I am living out this plan with peace and joy, grateful for all that He gives me. And while I still feel confused about where I will go in His plan, (I like to have specific directions), I have faith that it will be good and full of grace because God is certainly leading me (and sometimes pushing me) into my future. Yesterday was the first time that I realized that the past is not who I am anymore. I am this woman that God molded me into.
I found these words in the book,
Choosing to See, by Mary Beth Chapman. I almost feel them as my own.
" All along the way, He has changed my story in ways I didn't like. I've had whole chapters added and deleted and strange plot twists that I never saw coming."
"I've held on to certain expectations about life. But Jesus has always loved me enough to show me that even when I push my own ideas and expectations, He is there to guide me back to green pastures, He has shepherded me through the mountainous terrain of my stubbornness, shame, depression, and inadequacy and brought me gently back to the lushness of His love."
"But God made me the way He did and gave me the story we're living... I believe it is all about showing off His glory."
"It's a journey. I recognize the dark tides that can push and pull me to places I don't want to go. So I anchor myself to the One who can take me where I do want to go."
I live with hope in God's plan for me, and I try not to look back at what was, but look forward at what can be. And while mine may be a more extreme case, maybe God has put an obstacle or a heartache in your life to forever change who you are too.
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